Wet...T-shirt...Contest

No, not on the blog. That's one of my favorite lines from the movie we saw last night: Piranha 3-D.

In the are surrounding Lake Victoria (NOT the one in Africa), a sudden earthquake opens a fissure to an underground lake -- the perfect gateway for some hungry pre-historic fishies to make their way into the modern world. Just until those hungry buggers make their way to the Spring Break shenanigans in and around Lake Victoria. The nubile young college girls and their horny boy toys are in for a surprise once a little bit of blood hits the water.

Pranha 3D comes across as a trashy and campy homage to the sex-starved monster flicks of the 80s and 90s -- like some of what you'll find on Chiller or SyFy. Spring break; a plethora of breasts (and a few va-jay-jays, thanks to an underwater ballet sequence -- yes, "underwater ballet sequence", just go with it); campy, over-the-top acting; lots of surprise cameos; blood and gore; and man-eating monsters -- how can you not have a great time with that?! We certainly did, laughing and groaning, jumping with fright and enjoying a film that doesn't take itself too seriously.

With regards to the special effects: the cgi piranhas were decent, mouths filled with sharp teeth and menacing spines along the fins. The feeding frenzies worked well and were spaced enough apart that the tension of just where those little creatures are kept me glued to the seat. Too bad the 3D did nothing to enhance the film. For $16 a ticket, I expected much, much more. But what stands out in this movie (and makes up for the poor 3D) is the gore: lots of bodies getting shredded and some unique ways for small characters to meet their ends -- like Eli Roth, which was completely unexpected and spectacular. And what happens to poor Jerry O'Connell...brings a whole new meaning to full frontal.

The acting was good for the movie: Elisabeth Shue as Julie Forester, the town sheriff trying to save the town, her family and to stop an unknown foe; Christopher Lloyd as Mr. Goodman, the requisite scientist for such films; Steven McQueen as Jake Forester, Julie's son who goes against her mother's wishes; and Jerry O'Connell as Derrick Jones, a porn director visiting Lake Victoria to shoot his latest feature. O'Connell was fantastic as Derrick, stealing the entire film and uttering those words in the title of the post. (One of the best scenes in the film.) Plus, lots of cameos, as mentioned before: Richard Dreyfuss, Eli Roth, Ving Rhames, Ricardo Chavira, Paul Scheer.

If you don't like gore and lots and lots of blood, steer clear of this one. But if you want a fun, mindless, campy film, Piranha 3D is the movie for you. Just don't waste your money on the 3D version.

Image from Piranha 3-D Official Site.