Bookwhore Chronicles: Falling Off the Catwalk

Something pretty nifty about LibraryThing that I recently discovered is their "Early Reviewers" group. Some publishers give LibraryThing a few copies of a book that they would like LibraryThing members to review, before the book is officially released. LibraryThing posts on their site that they have n number of copies to give to readers, and hoards of people click the request button next to one or more of the books. I tried it in July and was disappointed not to receive anything. I held off for a month, tried again in September, and lo and behold, I received an email stating that soon, a copy of the book Falling Off the Catwalk by Robert N. Reincke would arrive in my mailbox. A few days later the book arrived as promised and with a handwritten note from the author. So I set one of my books aside and immediately dove into this one.

At the age of 29, author Robert Reincke is unhappy in his stagnant, cubicled job at Hewlett-Packard. After trying his hand at some local modeling and liking the results, he puts in for a two-week vacation to test the waters in Europe and quickly finds himself on a plane to Paris and to his indoctrination into the world of men's fashion. What follows is a year and a half filled with alcohol, hashish, ecstasy and absinthe, dragging him down into the spiral of addiction he thought left behind in San Diego. His experiences with agency after agency, rejections, the very limited opportunities in the modeling world for men, his diminishing funds, leave him wondering if he has what it takes to be model. His personal questions into his own sexuality and trying to balance those feelings with his Evangelical Christian faith only add to his self-doubt and his falling deeper into alcohol and drug abuse.

Through transcripts of personal videos, excerpts from his journals, and his own torn memories of that year and a half, Reincke offers an honest and intriguing portrait of a man struggling with his inner demons -- addiction and sexuality. He uses the drugs and alcohol to dampen his feelings toward men while believing at the same time, using would increase his attraction to women, confirming his heterosexuality. When that isn't the case, he repeatedly binges on alcohol or hash, staying out late, barely making it to photo shoots (or being drunk/stoned at them). His journals record all the events and emotions, his then beliefs about being able to control his substance abuse and his sexual urges, and finally what happens when he learns to accept himself for who he is.

I liked the openness and honesty with which Reincke presented himself. Nothing was left out, his thoughts and feelings about himself, about other men, about modeling weren't faked, and that enabled me, as a reader, to connect with Reincke as he maneuvered through the hazards of life. The memoir came across as very relatable to me, in terms of confronting my own feelings of self-doubt; I could hear myself saying many of the same things, questioning my feelings regarding my sexuality, not knowing who to turn to or where to go. It was a very worthwhile read, and I definitely recommend Falling Off the Catwalk.

Image from National Gay News.